Come what may, and LOVE it

Do you remember that sweet little Anderson from my previous post? Well you might think this post is about him, but it's not. It's about a little toddler whom I do not know and hope he does not visit our family ever again.

Yesterday, this little toddler woke up bright and early, as usual, was brought downstairs and placed in his highchair for breakfast. I put a waffle in the toaster for him and peeled a banana, broke it in half and placed it on his tray. This little boy started throwing a HUGE fit! He screamed and hit the banana on his tray, cried and refused to eat anything. I'm thinking in my head, "What the heck just happened?" Not knowing what to do, I took him out of his chair and thought that maybe he didn't want to eat yet. So I got him out and he continued to cry. He cried and screamed and had a major freak out. Let me just add that this is completely out of the ordinary. Justin and I just looked at each other totally baffled and said, "What do we do?? Is this really happening??" For fear that I would strangle this little boy (Ok, that might be exaggerating a little, but not much) I took him up to his crib and shut the door so I could take a deep breath and regain some motherly ability to handle the situation that was obviously out of control at this point. So I let him cry for a minute, went back in and held him, rocked him, and sang him some primary songs. He in turn calmed down and stopped crying. So I took him down stairs again. Justin tried to offer him a new banana with the peel on it. BUT, he saw Justin peel it. Apparently that is a big no no. He throws himself on the floor and starts crying again. At this point I think, "I have got to document this!" I grab my camera and start snapping.

Nothing would help him to calm down. He was beyond help. These pictures don't quite do the tantrum justice. So, we left him alone. I don't even remember at what point he started to calm down but eventually he did. The tears dried up. The screams stopped. Peace was once restored to our household. Thank heavens!!!

After he calmed down, he found the banana again. He picked it up, pulled the peel down a little, and took a huge bite. He came to show me the banana with a smile on his face and said, "Mmmmm!!" I said, "Oh, we are so not friends right now. Do not even show me that banana." Justin and I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out the best way to get around the tantrums. Could we peel the banana while he isn't looking? Would he eat it if we just cut the top and let him try and peel it? Should we just never buy bananas again?? What can we do to avoid that at all costs?? Was my sweet little baby capable of such a tantrum?? Please Heavenly Father tell me that this was a one time thing and that we will not be dealing with this for the next however many years!

This really was a hard thing for me (and Justin). Anderson is now apparently throwing fits, and Jack seemed to be especially whiny that day. I was getting over the flu and hadn't eaten in two days. I was tired. I had no patience left inside of my body. I didn't get much sleep last night and apparently my awesome mood carried over with me this morning. We were in the car on the way to church and I TOTALLY lost patience with Jack. I felt like I was in this snowball effect where my bad mood and horrible outbursts were just getting worse and worse. It made me feel terrible. I had this horrible feeling inside of me that I could not get rid of and I was completely taking it out on my family. When we got church, Justin and I said a prayer together that completely helped me. I broke down in tears but was so thankful that we were at church where I could take the sacrament, and be spiritually uplifted, which is exactly what I needed. Everything in church seemed to be what I needed to hear as well. I love it when that happens. And Justin came and got Anderson from me, who was an angel in church, so that I could listen to the Relief Society lesson in peace. It was perfect. The lesson seemed to be directed at me, although I knew others were feeling the spirit. We talked about trials and the principle of compensation. It was good for me to talk about adversity and the good things that can come from it. It was based on a talk by Elder Joseph B. Worthlin from the October 2008 General Conference. He talked about something his mom had taught him, which I LOVE.

"Come what may, and love it."

This is the quote from his talk...

“Joseph,” she said, “come what may, and love it.”

I have often reflected on that counsel.

I think she may have meant that every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing and bells don’t ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result."

Not every day am I going to have children who behave well, as I have already found out. But I know that I would not give up the blessing of having children for anything. They are dear to my heart, even though they throw fits and whine and totally stress me out (only sometimes!) They are what will make me learn to be more like God. Yes there will be bad days. Yes, there will be days where I don't have the energy or strength to be the best mom that I know I can be. But it is a learning process. It is hard!! But I feel more love for my kids and my husband than I did before this calamity of events.

"How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.

If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness."

I am so thankful that we have prophets and apostles that we can go to for direction. As soon as I got home from church I went to lds.org and found countless talks on parenting, strengthening families, adversity, etc. I was instantly given courage to face another week and given multiple ways that I can personally help to strengthen myself and my family. What would I do without the Gospel??

I might have given up my kids for adoption.

(OK, maybe not)